Charm Mone is the experimental pop singer/songwriter whose work is championing the art of intimate self-expression and self-ownership. Her work is a plea to authenticity. The Berlin-based Brazilian artist is bringing well-needed dissolution to the too-rigid realms of songwriting, production, gender, and sexuality, while perfecting the collision of stage and club ecosystems. Her latest EP, Extended Play, released in 2020 and features watery sonics as well as a true baring-of-soul energy reminiscent of the days where every poet had with them a physical journal and not just a Twitter page. NBGA is proud to share with you a personal essay written by Charm that explores the lived progress of her transition, the beyond-aesthetic side of that enigmatic mind/body reunion, and a reminder that this is a journey about survival, realness, and finally, access — access into the vibrancy of life itself.
I think that people don’t realize that this is survival to me. How important campaigning my GoFundMe turned out to be. By donating and making this happen, people are allowing me a life-changing opportunity. Looking back, the spiral of the last year was necessary in order for me to finally merge my body experience together with my willingness to manifest a different reality for myself.
There is no other way than being personal.
I started the year 2020 on a very positive note. I told myself that no matter what, I’d go out there and finally make things work. In the first few months, I was very focused. I had just finished a promo tour for my debut EP that took me nearly two years to finish, something I am very proud of. I was excited to finally share it with everyone. It felt like a new beginning for me. And even though it was all very exciting, I was still afraid that people would not understand my message and end up leaving this seed I planted to die unnoticed.
As 2020 started to kick-off, the only thing that I was investing my time in was suddenly no longer a possibility for me, as well as for so many other artists. I felt lost for a good minute. I felt myself hitting depression again. I had a very hard time understanding that new reality. When it happened, I had people showing up for me that I was never expecting to. It made me realize that I am not seeing who I represent in this community.
I feel that one of the worst things that happen to all of us who are born and raised in a very far-out, colonized and unprivileged society is that we never learn how to give ourselves the time and space to earn who we are with pride. We are taught to give up instead, but I refuse to commit to such distorted reality.
I had to pick myself up. Again.
I want to be okay with being who the people see in me and own that as much as they do. I get in trouble with myself a lot of times because I did not learn how to see those qualities. Now, I’m finally committing to them.
To learn and accept every unseen corner within me. Transitioning allows me to free myself from everything that I do not believe I am. Not only in terms of gender. It allowed me to trust that I deserve a chance to be – as much as everybody else.
The power of manifesting is the only tool I have.
I’m owning my strengths and, thanks to a whole group of dear friends and supporters who are holding my back, I can say that never before was I that confident to manifest what I want. And still, it’s mesmerizing to me how some people feel when a trans person chooses for themselves. Taking the steps I’m taking now is sole because I’ve chosen for my well- being – sadly in a time in history and in a system that disapproves of that.
It’s really important for everyone reading this to know or be reminded that we still live beneath the influence of a system that neither prioritizes trans individuals nor is inclusive. Indeed — they stigmatize us instead.
This is why it is so important to unveil this journey and present people with an opportunity to learn more about us but also for people to support our way through this path. By donating you’re not only helping me or other peers on our transition journey, but you are supporting our necessity towards accessing a different reality. You are working to make and hold space for us, so we can finally move forward as who we are and not as someone you and your system expect us to be.
Please, feel free to visit my GoFundMe and learn more about my campaign. Consider making a donation and sharing this with your friends. For updates on this journey, you can follow me on Instagram @charmmone.
Charm Mone captured by Luca Julika
Styling – Olive Duran
MUA – Naomu Gugler