Breakups suck. There’s not much else I can say. At times it might even feel like getting over somebody is the most impossible thing in the world. But trust me, crazier things have happened.
People have been falling in and out of love since the dawn of mankind. Hearts are shattered, healed, broken and then put back together again. The most blazing of passions die out. And guess what? People survive.
It takes time and a little bit of work to get over somebody. There are no miracle cures or quick fixes. There are, however, little tips and tricks that can help you in your journey toward feeling happy again. Below I have listed 17 tips that are tried and tested, but an important disclaimer is that each heart mends differently, and we all process our emotions in different ways. What works for some people, might not work for you. You have to be patient and kind to yourself. And then trust me, in due time, this too shall pass.
Keep scrolling and hopefully some of the things on this list will resonate with you and help you in your pursuit of feeling happy again.
#1 Block them.
You don’t need to see your ex on any form of social media. Not now. Not ever. You know you will inevitably find your way over to their feed one way or another, so why not do your future self a favour and block them right off the bat.
#2 It will end.
Part of what makes heartbreak so insufferable is that it feels like it will never end, which just causes more anxiety. Your heartache will end. That’s a fact. Don’t get it twisted.
#3 Let it take the time it needs.
People seem to say it takes three months to get over somebody. Although there might be some truth to this, there is no one-size-fits-all solution to heartbreak. Some hearts take longer to mend, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Always be kind and forgiving toward yourself in situations like these and let it take the time it needs.
#4 You are not alone.
You are not alone in this. People all over the world get their hearts broken in the most unbearable ways, and they get through it. It’s part of the human experience. Relationships come and go, hearts shatter, happiness is restored, lessons are learned. I’m not saying this to diminish what you’re going through, I’m just saying that the fact that people survive heartbreak on the daily proves that it’s do-able. And you can do this too.
#5 Find yourself a mantra.
Find some type of quote that really resonates with you and repeat it to yourself like a mantra in times of need. It can work as a distraction when falling deep into the dark hole of over-analysation. One of my favourite mantras is: feelings are not facts. It serves as a healthy reminder that although you should trust your intuition, at times of devastation, your mind is fogged so you start to believe things that aren’t necessarily true.
#6 Don’t be alone for too long.
Try to see other people. Trust me on this one. Even if you feel (and look) like a complete wreck and the last thing you want to do is interact with other people let alone see daylight, you should. not. be. alone. Call up a friend and tell them to come over and just sit in the same room as you for a couple of hours.
#7 Get your basic human needs in check.
This is one of my favourite tips on the list. If your body doesn’t have the fuel to keep its organs running properly, then you best believe your brain isn’t functioning properly either. Be your own boss and force yourself to get your basic human needs in check as best you can. Try to find foods you can eat, get some sunlight, exercise or go on little walks, and try your best to stick to some type of sleep schedule. Do you. Your body needs nutrition and energy to process your thoughts and feelings. Be kind to yourself if you’re unable to check all of these things off your list. Doing your best is good enough.
#8 Gather a mood board of relatable things.
Listen to songs, find movies and art that you can identify with. Finding things you can relate to might help you put feelings into words and realise things about yourself or your relationship.
#9 Consume lighthearted media.
Stay away from social media or anything that might upset you and watch old Disney movies and tv-shows that require very little emotional engagement and work as a blanket for your soul. When’s the last time you watched Mulan or That’s so Raven? Now’s the time.
#10 Don’t expect your ex to be there for you.
Don’t expect your ex to be there as a shoulder for you to cry on. You broke up for a reason. I know this might be difficult to come to terms with, especially if they’ve been there for you through thick and thin. But this time you’re going to have to find that support system in yourself and your friends. Just imagine how strong and self-sufficient you’ll be once you’ve come out the other end.
You’ve got this.
#11 They were not “the one.”
Don’t tell yourself that you’ll never find anybody else like him/her. If you’re not together anymore you were not meant to be. As time goes on, you will change and circumstances will change and anything can happen. Stagnant water rots, as Leonardo da Vinci once said. Don’t be stagnant. There will be another “the one” for the future you. You have so much to look forward to!
#12 Change location.
Change physical location for a while. If you were planning on going on a trip or visiting a friend in another country – now is the time. Getting new perspectives and stimulating your senses is always such a healthy thing when life comes to a halt. If you’re still feeling too much like a wreck to go on a trip, changing location to your friend’s guest room works too.
#13 Read self-help books and studies on love.
This step is a little cheesy, but self-help books actually work, otherwise it wouldn’t even be a thing! There are plenty of books and articles out there that dissect what it means to be heartbroken, how the different stages of grief work, why your body is reacting in certain ways and so much more. There are even scientific studies on how your brain responds to heartache and love. It might be helpful for some to move their emotions to their brain rather than their gut for the time being.
#14 It’s ok to be destructive.
It’s ok to be destructive and do dumb things to keep your ex off your mind. Whether that means eating ridiculous amounts of ice-cream while never leaving your couch or getting way too drunk and rebounding every weekend – to each their own. Find what works for you and do whatever makes you feel happy, even if that happiness is only temporary.
#15 Set a date for getting back on track.
Once you’ve gotten all that destructive behaviour out of your system, I think setting a date for getting your shit back together is a good idea. Tell yourself that after a certain number of weeks, you’re going to put yourself back together again and aspire to a more sustainable living situation.
#16 Re-arrange furniture. Buy a new perfume. Buy new bed sheets.
Reclaim your home as your own. Get rid of things that remind you of them. This is a new chapter in your life. Let it be great.
#17 Contact a therapist.
This one is really important. The tips I’ve listed above can be helpful to some, but sometimes a relationship has left scars too deep. Don’t hesitate to ask for help. Google how to get professional help in your city/country and gather the strength and energy to reach out.
Last but not least; you are loveable, and you deserve to be happy. Never forget that. <3